I know it's been a few months, but I know not many people read this, so it hasn't been the biggest concern in life right now. It's January 1st 2011, today, and as I reflected on the changes that happened in 2010, I realized that it was a very tough year for my little family.
We lost 4 babies in 2010.
We moved 12 hours away from our entire world.
We lost friends, made friends.
We took leaps of pure faith, and even had a few successes.
I finished my first year of my B.A. in Psychology.
Ryan began a new career, a true career- not just a job.
Fiona was pre-diagnosed with Autism.
We began seeking speech and physical therapeutic help for Fiona.
We struggled through finances, and finally came out of a year on top of it all.
We grew closer as a family.
We found love for each other and well as patience.
We began a journey together, leaving everything behind and trusting purely on God for each of our steps.
It's been an interesting year. I've struggled lately with friendships. There are many regrets for me from 2010. I've thought a lot about our last miscarriage. September was difficult, and things got worse as October, November, and December came along. I don't think anyone quite understands how it feels to be in a town where you don't know anyone, lose a pregnancy (or two at once), and not even have friends in town or a church home; to wake up every day and realize the most friendships you have are through the computer... and then have those friends decide to believe perceived lies and desert you.
Then to make a trip back "home" only to find friendships have failed there too. I'm beginning to realize that Ruidoso is going to be where I call HOME, and it may be very lonely. At what point do you decide you've put all you can into friendships? At what point to do you quit trying? I still have no answers.
Many things have gone unanswered from 2010. Why so many miscarriages? Why so many struggles? What is this crazy plan God has in mind for me? For my family? When is it okay to give up? on friendship? on babies?
I won't give up on God, or my family. They are the people that are most important to me. During my trip to OK, I found my God again. I came home feeling refreshed and renewed. I'm determined to continue that feeling of love.
New hopes and dreams for 2011: Trust more fully in God. Fall deeper in love with Him. Rest in His arms more willingly. Prayers for God's plans for my family for this year. Hopes that perhaps 2011 will bring another miracle baby into our lives- whether it be from my womb or from foster care or adoption. Hopes that my continuing education brings joy and success. Hopes that Ryan will continue to enjoy his career and advance with God's blessings.
All in all, we're looking for 2011 to be a more amazing adventure than 2010!
Blessings to you and yours this year!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
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