2011: New Hopes and New Dreams

I know it's been a few months, but I know not many people read this, so it hasn't been the biggest concern in life right now. It's January 1st 2011, today, and as I reflected on the changes that happened in 2010, I realized that it was a very tough year for my little family.

We lost 4 babies in 2010.
We moved 12 hours away from our entire world.
We lost friends, made friends.
We took leaps of pure faith, and even had a few successes.
I finished my first year of my B.A. in Psychology.
Ryan began a new career, a true career- not just a job.
Fiona was pre-diagnosed with Autism.
We began seeking speech and physical therapeutic help for Fiona.
We struggled through finances, and finally came out of a year on top of it all.
We grew closer as a family.
We found love for each other and well as patience.
We began a journey together, leaving everything behind and trusting purely on God for each of our steps.

It's been an interesting year. I've struggled lately with friendships. There are many regrets for me from 2010. I've thought a lot about our last miscarriage. September was difficult, and things got worse as October, November, and December came along. I don't think anyone quite understands how it feels to be in a town where you don't know anyone, lose a pregnancy (or two at once), and not even have friends in town or a church home; to wake up every day and realize the most friendships you have are through the computer... and then have those friends decide to believe perceived lies and desert you.

Then to make a trip back "home" only to find friendships have failed there too. I'm beginning to realize that Ruidoso is going to be where I call HOME, and it may be very lonely. At what point do you decide you've put all you can into friendships? At what point to do you quit trying? I still have no answers.

Many things have gone unanswered from 2010. Why so many miscarriages? Why so many struggles? What is this crazy plan God has in mind for me? For my family? When is it okay to give up? on friendship? on babies?

I won't give up on God, or my family. They are the people that are most important to me. During my trip to OK, I found my God again. I came home feeling refreshed and renewed. I'm determined to continue that feeling of love.

New hopes and dreams for 2011: Trust more fully in God. Fall deeper in love with Him. Rest in His arms more willingly. Prayers for God's plans for my family for this year. Hopes that perhaps 2011 will bring another miracle baby into our lives- whether it be from my womb or from foster care or adoption. Hopes that my continuing education brings joy and success. Hopes that Ryan will continue to enjoy his career and advance with God's blessings.

All in all, we're looking for 2011 to be a more amazing adventure than 2010!

Blessings to you and yours this year!

2 Weeks of Entertaining Without the 'Auto-sitter'?

How are my friends and family out there? I know not many people read this, but I enjoy writing anyway.

So here's the details, and the update. Again, this is one without pictures, since it'll be two weeks until I can find my camera charger...

Okay, where to start? Let's begin with the adventure of finding an apartment in a new state, and in a new city where most of the occupants are seasonal. The city is ski oriented, so I began my search rather differently than I would have back in Tulsa. In Tulsa, Jenks, Broken Arrow, Claremore... you can drive down the road and see many apartments, or signs for houses for sale! In Ruidoso, Ruidoso Downs, Mescalero, Bent, Capitan, and Alamogordo, you don't see anything to rent unless you're deep in the mountain, driving down curvy roads, purposely searching for something to rent. The newspaper is nonexistent, and even Craigslist.org is slim- you have to search under the link for Roswell for anything, and then search out things for Ruidoso in the millions of things for Roswell. So, with a heavy heart and knowledge from the couple that was going to let us stay with them that the Mr. has a cat allergy, I began an internet search for apartments in the only place that came up with apartments. Alamogordo. Alamogordo is 20-30 degrees hotter than Ruidoso (which has been sitting in the low 70's lately, midday.), and very full. After calling 30 apartments and receiving the same responses, "We're full and don't know when we'll have something open," "We don't accept pets." and reading bad review after bad review on many more apartments, I had about given up.

Last week, on Sunday, Ryan and I were driving Sudderth Drive and I spotted an apartment complex which I planned to return to on Monday during my Alamogordo adventure. I didn't make it there. On Monday, my sister in law mentioned an efficiency apartment in Ruidoso that a young lady wanted to hand over her lease that she'd seen on Craigslist. Knowing an efficiency was much too small for my family, I thanked her and did nothing about it. Wednesday, my sister called and told me about the same apartment on Craigslist. With a sigh, I decided, "Fine, I'll email about it, but I just know it won't work." Sure enough, I got back a response of "this apartment is barely big enough for me by myself. I don't think this is what you want." But, this young lady also mentioned the name of the apartments and I looked it up. I loved the pictures, and so I called on it. Turns out, they had a 2 bedroom apartment, all bills paid, available immediately. When I looked up where I needed to go to get an application, I laughed. Low and behold, this was the apartment complex we passed on Sunday. By Friday morning, I had turned in our application.

Ryan and I had been paying extra on our bills left in Oklahoma, and thus we had nothing to move on or put a deposit down on the apartment with. Since Wednesday, I had been praying for God's hand on the situation. Friday evening, all we needed was verification on Ryan's job, but no one could get ahold of anyone at his job. Finally I got ahold of his Lt. and Lt. left a call for the apartment home office in Dallas. We had hoped to move in over the weekend, and this lack of verification on time for Friday, prevented us moving. So Monday came, and I didn't know how I was going to get my family into the apartment, with Ryan back in Artesia. I couldn't move everything myself, and well, frankly we didn't have the money, and I was trying to see if they would take a post dated check. We got the approval and I sat and waited for a response from the home office.

Then, at about noon, when I was trying to figure out how to get myself, my things, my daughter, and my pets back to Tulsa, and talking with Rachel about a plan, I received a facebook message from a friend, Dennis. After some discussion, this wonderful man did something I never thought would happen. He lent us the money to move in. No more did I need to get back to Tulsa to stay for a couple weeks. I could pack up and figure out how to get moved about 10 minutes around the mountain from the hotel. Well, Ryan got approval to come home and we spent from 7pm - midnight packing the truck and my car with all our things from the hotel (does it ever seem that things just accumulate between point A and point B?), and moving it to the apartment and unloading it all. Then I was up until 2am trying to get the air mattress together so Fi and I could get to bed; well that and making sure Ryan got back to Artesia okay.

So why am I on an air bed? Well, all of our belongings are in Albuquerque still, in the storage. 10 days wasn't enough notice for me to find a place and set up for our things to be delivered. So today I bought a 7 pc. pot and pan pack from Walmart so we can at least cook the box of food the church gave us while we wait for our dishes, pots and pans, and everything else. I'm looking forward to this weekend, going back to Tulsa for a visit (Granny wants to see Fiona, so she's getting us back there...) and sleeping on an actual mattress! At least tonight, Fiona is asleep in her own room! Little blessings!

Ryan had an issue with an instructor at FLETC during a practical test. This instructor decided that because Ryan couldn't tell him what supreme court case allowed him the rights he had just used on a hypothetical situation, the instructor decided Ryan failed the test. This really worried Ryan. The three people from the class that have gone home, have been fired. I had full trust that he would pass his remedial with no problems. Now, a practical test allows 5 remedials per test, much unlike the single remedial allowed for the 5 exams throughout the academy. But Ryan still worried. Well Tuesday, August 31st, he took his remedial... in front of the head of the academy. Two instructors for this test, and both passed him with "PERFECT" on his scores! The head of the academy called Ryan himself to tell Ryan that he had passed perfectly.

Needless to say, I'm so proud of him! He had a near perfect score on the original test, save for that particular instructor... but oh well, we're done and moving on! I can't wait for him to graduate!

So keep us in your prayers as we journey toward November 1st. Then our new adventures from there. In about 2 weeks I should be going to the doctor for the baby! :)

Friends... and Idiots...

I don't have any pictures this time around, since I'm still searching for a charger for the camera. The packing company packed up the charger... and there's no way to get to it until we have our own place and I can find the box they packed it in. So this is going to be one for your imaginations...

This evening Fiona and I headed into Mescalero for an evening with our friends, Jody and Charlene Cojo, Christlyn Lester, and Joey Kazhe. We were there to do laundry, and Charlene made dinner. Meat and potatoes with french bread. YUM. I miss having home cooked meals, and we can't wait to have our own place. So with the heavenly smells of dinner, as well as freshly dried laundry scented with Snuggle Blue Sparkle, we settled in for a night with our friends. Tonight, while Fi watched movies, I folded laundry and helped Charlene set up her facebook profile. It was a blast!

As 10:30 rolled around, I made the drive home, and Fi fell asleep. I quickly changed the music from VeggieTales with Fiona's name in it to the radio. I made the pleasant drive home, singing to the country radio station... in 50 degree weather. I almost needed the heater in the dead center of Summer! So we get back to the hotel, and I unload Fiona and load up the stroller with the box and bags of laundry (yes, I live five stories up and can't make several trips to the car and back.) and headed for the hotel door. We got in the first set of doors, and I slide my key into the reader. RED LIGHT. "Hmm, okay," I think, and try again. RED LIGHT. "Alrighty, then." I call Charlene, get the number for the hotel, and call the front desk, at 10:50pm.

I explain the situation, and the guy on the line is very kind and very helpful. He says he'll call the key room and send someone to help me. A few minutes later, I get a return call (How did they get my phone number exactly?) informing that no one answered in the key room and he's the only person at the front desk so he can't come help me himself. "So, I need to reload my car with my items, and my 2 year old daughter and come over there myself?" I ask politely, when in actuality I wanted to be very rude. "Well, let me see if I can get a bellhop to bring you the keys." I thanked him and hung up. 5 minutes later, I called back and asked if someone was on the way. He confirmed and I went back to waiting. 20 minutes later, I called and asked where the bellhop was. Fi was crying, and I really needed the restroom... the woman that answered me this time said someone should have been there by then. "I haven't seen them, yet. It's been 20 minutes since I was told someone was on the way. I have a cranky two year old, I have a very full bladder and I am 6 weeks pregnant." She quickly talked to the manager who I'd spoken with earlier, and when she came back on the line, she informed me that the manager was on his way himself with a set of keys.

5 minutes later, he was coming down the stairs, inside the building... an unattached building in which my daughter and I are the only occupants... and lets me in, hands me the keys and I head up the elevator with Fiona. Arriving in our room,I place the keys on top of the entertainment center, and I go about getting Fi settled into bed. Then, I spy a little key folder on Fiona's high chair. I pick it up, thinking I must be crazy and dreamed putting the keys (in the folder) on the entertainment center. I open it, and well, it's not the one the manager gave me. So I summarize that the idiot bellhop had entered my room and left the keys there...

So tonight was very odd. I have come to realize, I'm going to have to reactivate my card each month, or continue to deal with this idiocy at the most inconvenient times (like last month, when Fi was in the room and I went down the hall for ice). And I can only summarize that idiots run this hotel... at least it's a roof over our heads!

Passing The Test

Ryan had his first exam on Wednesday August 4th. Then Friday August 6th, he had his pistol qualification.

On Wednesday, he passed his first exam with an 88.9%. They had 5 fail out of their class of 24. These 5 were given a chance to take a 'remedial' test. They only get one remedial, the entire course of the academy. There are 5 exams total. Two failed the remedial and were removed from the academy.

Friday, he passed his qualification with a 270/300; the minimum one could get was 210. Ryan has an astigmatism in his right eye, so considering he shot without the aid of glasses, he did an amazing job. They had 5 out of their class of 22 fail. Now these qualifications: shooting, physical training, and anything that isn't 'book learned' have an allowance of 3 retries, per test each academy. I am not sure how many of these tests there are. All 5 passed their second attempts. Ryan is doing great!

These pictures were taken a couple days before he left for the academy. Note the goofy grin... this man is crazy about his family, and nearly every picture shows that in his face.

Ryan is an amazing husband, and a wonderful father! Fiona gets so excited when he comes home on the weekends. And now we await our new arrival. Ryan made the comment to me last night when he asked me how far along I guessed we were, that he'd been in the academy for almost the same length. The guys out there tease him all week long about him going home to his family on the weekends. Apparently, he tells them all about his beautiful wife just waiting for him at home. :) Also, it's apparently a guy thing to tease each other about your love life. So when he told them Wednesday that we're expecting, they thoroughly teased and congratulated him.

Ryan's half brother, James Beck, helped Ryan get into this position with the BIA. We spent time since last August applying and confirming and working toward getting him into this position. It was on my encouragement that he took the steps toward gaining this new career and potentially providing his family with a future we had only imagined. Christmas 2009, we still hadn't heard anything. Then in January 2010, we received an extensive packet of some 200 pages of a background check, medical record request, and family background check application. With my help, we filled this packet out and sent it on it's way in February. This packet consisted of extensive background checks into me, our daughter, our parents, and our siblings as well as Ryan and his credit. My credit was checked as well, along with Ryan getting a full physical examination including his eyes and blood work. So in February we sent this completed 200 page packet that had grown to 300 pages, and we waited. March, April and May went by with no word. Then, in late May, we received notice of the private investigator that was going to be coming and completing interviews of friends, family, and neighbors from the last 9 years of our lives. I, too, was interviewed by this investigator.

June came and we received notice that the investigator had completed his interviews and would be turning in his report. Within a week, we received the letter informing us that Ryan had indeed been selected for the position and would need to report to work in Mescalero, New Mexico by June 21st. We soon heard from his Police Chief and the paperwork started filing in for applying for the academy. FLETC- Federal Law Enforcement Training Center- would be where he would attend, as a senator had decided to do away with the IPA- Indian Police Academy- because of too many failing officers. So Ryan would begin his training at FLETC July 12th, the day before his birthday, through November 8th. Graduation is November 1st, and then those in Indian Law Enforcement positions will spend another 7 days learning laws and things that pertain only to them.

Nicknames are a big thing in this academy. Every person obtains at least ONE nickname. Ryan's current ones are: Little Beck, Mescalero, Cherokee, and Chum Lee. I can only imagine what they're calling him now, and he's not telling me, now that we're expecting a baby.

Prayers are welcome for our little family as we find a home, and Ryan continues his studying in this academy. He has his second exam this coming Wednesday.

Fiona and I are so proud of him!