It's Fall!

It's Fall! FALL! Mommy's FAVORITE time of the year! Pumpkin Pie! Fires in the fireplace! Fall scented fragrances for our home!

Except for the allergies... and the sore throats... and the nausea... and some very intense smells... inside and out of our home...

We've had Fall like weather since... oh... May. Yes, I know, my Okie friends, you're quite jealous! How many times must I say "Come visit!"??

Intense smells... there's been an interesting, nauseating smell of musty mold coming from the sinks, bathtub and faucets in and outside of my home. Come to find out, we're still recovering from the Little Bear fire a couple months ago. The city's water resources are having to rely upon the rain, and it could take up to 7 years for the reservoir to recover.

Then there's the pine trees... they attract spiders. We've had Fall weather and spiders galore this year. The race track is down the road from us, so we've had horse smells and flies this summer. Now that it's genuinely entering Fall, the flies have disappeared, and the horse smell is dissolving. The spiders are a different story!
Oh and the SNAILS!!

They're everywhere! All sizes! Beautiful little creatures, which created a learning experience for Fi.

Fiona had her first day of school.

She wore leggings under her skirt! All those summer outfits seem just too cold now! It rains practically every day, sometime between Noon and 5pm, for at least an hour. Brings out those Fall smells of Mountain Pine Tree, Firewood burning, and last minute summer BBQs.

As we enter this changing seasons period, I find some peace in the transitions. We've had some upsets in our daily lives lately, but this has only brought me deeper into the arms of God.

Fall brings memories of transitions to mind, many transitions in my life: becoming another year older, celebrating another year of marriage, and losses such as my miscarriages, the loss of my childhood friend and pet- Sedro almost 11 years ago. I can also see the joys we've accomplished- my beautiful mess of a daughter, now 4 years old; Another year of  school for both Fi and myself; A new job; another year of Ryan's career in progress.

Fall brings surprises, new life, new adventures. Perhaps, this Fall holds one more surprise for my tiny family.

Our thoughts are on each of you, as you read this. What are some of your favorite things about Fall?

2011: New Hopes and New Dreams

I know it's been a few months, but I know not many people read this, so it hasn't been the biggest concern in life right now. It's January 1st 2011, today, and as I reflected on the changes that happened in 2010, I realized that it was a very tough year for my little family.

We lost 4 babies in 2010.
We moved 12 hours away from our entire world.
We lost friends, made friends.
We took leaps of pure faith, and even had a few successes.
I finished my first year of my B.A. in Psychology.
Ryan began a new career, a true career- not just a job.
Fiona was pre-diagnosed with Autism.
We began seeking speech and physical therapeutic help for Fiona.
We struggled through finances, and finally came out of a year on top of it all.
We grew closer as a family.
We found love for each other and well as patience.
We began a journey together, leaving everything behind and trusting purely on God for each of our steps.

It's been an interesting year. I've struggled lately with friendships. There are many regrets for me from 2010. I've thought a lot about our last miscarriage. September was difficult, and things got worse as October, November, and December came along. I don't think anyone quite understands how it feels to be in a town where you don't know anyone, lose a pregnancy (or two at once), and not even have friends in town or a church home; to wake up every day and realize the most friendships you have are through the computer... and then have those friends decide to believe perceived lies and desert you.

Then to make a trip back "home" only to find friendships have failed there too. I'm beginning to realize that Ruidoso is going to be where I call HOME, and it may be very lonely. At what point do you decide you've put all you can into friendships? At what point to do you quit trying? I still have no answers.

Many things have gone unanswered from 2010. Why so many miscarriages? Why so many struggles? What is this crazy plan God has in mind for me? For my family? When is it okay to give up? on friendship? on babies?

I won't give up on God, or my family. They are the people that are most important to me. During my trip to OK, I found my God again. I came home feeling refreshed and renewed. I'm determined to continue that feeling of love.

New hopes and dreams for 2011: Trust more fully in God. Fall deeper in love with Him. Rest in His arms more willingly. Prayers for God's plans for my family for this year. Hopes that perhaps 2011 will bring another miracle baby into our lives- whether it be from my womb or from foster care or adoption. Hopes that my continuing education brings joy and success. Hopes that Ryan will continue to enjoy his career and advance with God's blessings.

All in all, we're looking for 2011 to be a more amazing adventure than 2010!

Blessings to you and yours this year!

Life, Loss, Frustration

This will be a short one. I can't say much, because I really just don't know the answers myself.

This was the 5th and 6th miscarriage since we had Fiona in July 2008. It came by surprise. Surprise that we were pregnant. Then guessing we were 10 weeks 6 days along on Wednesday, September 15th. And we were. We were also 6 weeks and 3 days along and didn't know it. I hear this can happen, rarely, but it does happen.

Tuesday September 14th, we began our miscarriage journey. Wednesday we completed this journey. So we thought. Ryan was 2 hours away and I wouldn't see him til the weekend. I'm thankful his mother was here to keep Fiona while I was in and out of the hospital that week.

Friday September 17th, I went into the OB, and left with some shocking hope. We were still pregnant. 6 weeks and 3 days pregnant. What a shock.

It was a short lived hope. By that night, I was back in the hospital ER in Alamogordo, miscarrying our second pregnancy of the week. At the end of a long night, Ryan helped me to the car after a DNC. This is the surgery where the doctor assists in completing the miscarriage. I spent the next week in slight pain, nothing compared to the pain I felt from the 14th to the 18th.

I don't know what God has in store for my family, but I know it must be grand. He holds such a mansion of babies waiting for Ryan and I! In the next few weeks, we're hoping to have some more answers as we finally get referred to a high risk OB. Thanks to those who read this, and to all our friends and family for standing beside us through this sorrow.

We'll be back on our feet soon...

New Beginnings

Yesterday morning, I took the test that changed our lives from this point on. We are expecting a new addition to our family. Both a surprise and an excitement to our lives! So I am on the hunt for a doctor...

 Which brings me to the next reason for starting this blog. June 21st, 2010 began our grandest of adventures yet. My husband, Ryan, started his career as a police officer for the Bureau of Indian Affairs in Mescalero, New Mexico. So June 18th, we packed our belongings, spent some time with our friends Roger and Rachel, and slept our last night in the apartment. The next day we watched everything get packed up into the truck to be shipped to Albuquerque. We did our final sweep of the apartment, I took our pets to their respective temporary homes, and we went to spend one last night with family. The next morning, we began our trek to New Mexico.

As we entered New Mexico, my car informed us we had reached a scorching 110 degrees, but with my windows open, it felt dry. Nothing like the muggy heat in Oklahoma! So it was 110? Didn't feel like it to me! We had our adventures through the trip... Fiona had a carseat change and 3 outfit changes.

That was an interesting 12 hour drive. As we reached our destination, and got into the hotel, we were exhausted. It was so dark, and we didn't really see our surroundings. The next morning we woke to this:

Beautiful! A sweet 108 degrees too.... then we went for a drive from Alamogordo where our hotel was, to Mescalero and Ruidoso.

 And a wonderful, beautiful breezy 75 degrees! Soon, Ryan's job moved us to Mescalero, so we're living this beautiful temperature every day! The nights are a bit on the cold side, though.

So then July 12th, Ryan began his training in the academy in Artesia, New Mexico while Fiona and I stayed behind in Mescalero. We are currently looking for a home, and a good thing too... for we have a new addition to expect now! I'll post more as I can. For now, prayers are very much welcome!